- Austin, TX
It is not too surprising that the “Live Music Capital of the World” is on the top of this list (and their sexual partners, clearly!). Austin is home to SXSW, the infamous 6th Street strip of bars and nightclubs, Lake Travis (which has its very own nude beach, Hippie Hollow) and, of course, scorching hot summertime temperatures made for wearing as little clothing as possible. Let’s not forget the University of Texas– With more than 52,000 students from all over the world getting to know each other, it is probable that the campus is a big factor in the high rate of positive STD results coming out of the Lone Star State’s capital city.
- San Francisco, CA
Most of the news articles you’ll read about San Francisco these days have to do with the amazing advancements coming out of neighboring tech hub Silicon Valley or the sky-high rent for an apartment, but another sky-high number San Franciscans should be worried about is the quantity of positive STD tests coming out of the City by the Bay. Statistically, the instances of HIV/AIDS diagnoses in the original LGBT Mecca are going down, so clearly you’re doing something right, but according to the numbers, the drippy, bumpy, and burning STDs are out and proud in San Francisco. Whether your idea of a good time is partying all night in The Castro, seeing the “sights” in North Beach, brunching in Potrero Hill, checking out bands no one has ever heard of in the Mission, or playing beer pong with your bros in the Marina, just know that it is important now, more than ever, to wrap it up if you’re getting down in San Fran.
- San Antonio, TX
San Antonians pride themselves on the small town feel of their city– a truly impressive feat in a state whose motto is literally “Everything is bigger.” While that small town feel may make it easier to get around for residents and visitors, unfortunately, the same thing seems to be true for STDs. It seems the residents of San Antonio are riding a lot more than the roller coasters at Six Flags Fiesta Texas, and they have the positive STD tests to prove it. The Riverwalk is beautiful and the restaurants serve some of the best Tex Mex in the state, but maybe the next time the Spurs win a playoff game, San Antonians should use the money they saved on that free coffee at Valero to buy a condom. Wrap it up, people!
- Miami, FL
C’mon, Miami. We know it must be really hard to fight temptation with the thousands of visitors who flock to your city to show off all the work they did in the gym all winter. We get it. With scantily clad people walking the sidewalks during the day and world famous nightlife including celebrity-packed clubs and topless spectacles like King of Diamonds and Tootsies, sex is par for the course in the Magic City. Most people don’t get tested for STDs while on vacation, though, so we have to assume that it’s the residents of Miami who are contributing to the dubious honor of being included on this list. (A little souvenir left behind by an out of town hookup, perhaps?) From now on, let’s try to make sure the burning sensation you’re experiencing is the kind that’s cured with aloe vera, not penicillin.
5. New York City, NY
We all know that New York is the city that never sleeps, but apparently, while New Yorkers aren’t sleeping, they are sleeping around. The Big Apple is the largest city in the U.S. and has been pretty much forever (or at least as long as the census has been keeping track of that kind of thing), so it makes sense that the City would be on the list of the highest rates of positive STD test results per capita. Just because it makes sense, though, does not make it a good thing. Maybe New Yorkers need to worry less about avoiding the germy poles on the Metro and avoid the germy poles of their fellow New Yorkers. When it comes to preventing STDs, you don’t want to fuhgeddaboutit.